I am not sure why Andrea is back on my mind. We’ve had no contact
outside of my emailed plea for prayers for my cousin, Michael a week or so ago, and there was certainly nothing in her response to suggest any interest in renewing our
friendship; this is perhaps a blessing. I know in my heart I would always have yearned for more.
The story she ultimately told was that our romance was
a product of “mutual need” at a very trying time in both of our lives.
Her mother had become fatally ill within a month of our friendship becoming far more. She believed that my side of this need was founded on me quite unexpectedly becoming unemployed.
Her tale? Our love had never really been love but rather a byproduct of a simultaneous need for a caring soul to “lean
on” during a horribly traumatic time that somehow continued well past its shelf-life. Few of our friends
accepted her new truth, having witnessed and regularly commented on the obvious love between
us. Even her therapist offered that she had never seen a couple more right for each
other. What we had was real – rewritten and twisted history be damned! She'd forgotten that I was there,
too.
She has taken up residence in my head for several
weeks now. Our highlight reel runs continuously, bringing to mind those private and
silly moments; those in-jokes and crazy names we’d laughingly and lovingly call
each other; those stolen glances that she’d suddenly catch and meet
with that perfect smile and those amazing eyes; the delightful intimacies
that only lovers share. She would frequently appear on any given Saturday
morning; beautifully disheveled in a tatty tee-shirt and jeans; her hair jammed
into a ball cap. I’d tell her
that she was my Lois Lane and I never found her lovelier than on those
mornings.
She owned my heart. I never considered wanting it back.
With enduring thanks for all we shared,
Otto
Blog Song: Annie – Johnnyswim
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